Validating vs Invalidating Your Kids

Why It Matters

Validation builds trust and communication, making children likelier to share concerns and accept guidance; using validation rather than dismissal can improve emotional resilience during puberty and social comparison. This technique is a practical parenting tool with direct implications for adolescent mental health and family relationships.

Summary

The video demonstrates how parents should respond to a child's negative self-talk by validating feelings rather than dismissing them. Using a dialogue about a girl unhappy with her legs, the parent mirrors the child's emotions, contextualizes them (puberty and comparison at school), and reframes strengths by highlighting function and athleticism. The clip contrasts invalidation—quick reassurance that minimizes feelings—with a validating approach that holds space, invites further conversation, and integrates values (being on your body’s team). Dr. Cheryl, a tween and teen expert, explains that validation increases openness and makes children more receptive to parental guidance.

Original Description

Validation is believing your kid's emotional experience is real and true, even if you don't agree or understand it. And invalidation is not always mean, or done intentionally. It might even be when you think you're showing love...⁠

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Here's the thing: when teens feel invalidated, they escalate and pull away from you. They lose trust that you see them⁠

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When they feel validated, they stay connected to you and learn to regulate their own emotions. ⁠