Why Do We Avoid Talking to People?

Why It Matters

Understanding and narrowing the expectation‑reality gap empowers people to make simple social choices that boost wellbeing and drive stronger, more productive teams.

Key Takeaways

• We overestimate social risk, missing unexpected happiness opportunities.
• Small conversational choices consistently boost wellbeing and health.
• Expectation gaps are larger than people realize, driving avoidance.
• Both introverts and extroverts benefit from acting more sociable.
• Treat social habits like exercise: deliberate practice changes personality.

Summary

The Chicago Booth Review podcast features Nick Epley discussing his new book, *A Little More Social*, which asks why modern life is riddled with silent commuters and strangers who avoid conversation. Epley argues that the avoidance stems from overly pessimistic expectations about how others will respond, creating a self‑reinforcing gap between belief and reality.

Research highlighted in the book shows that even brief, low‑stakes interactions dramatically improve happiness, health, and perceived social connection. Experiments on trains, in senior‑living centers, and with corporate groups reveal a consistent pattern: participants who choose to engage report higher satisfaction than they predicted, and the magnitude of the expectation‑reality gap is surprisingly large.

Epley illustrates his points with vivid anecdotes—a spontaneous chat with a woman in a red hat on a Chicago train, a tearful discussion among construction executives, and classroom exercises that ask strangers to share gratitude or moments of vulnerability. He also challenges conventional personality labels, showing that extroverts and introverts experience similar enjoyment when they act more sociable; the key difference lies in habitual choices, not innate traits.

The implication is clear for both individuals and organizations: treating social interaction as a skill—like exercise—allows people to reshape habits, close expectation gaps, and unlock measurable gains in wellbeing and productivity. By deliberately choosing to connect, we can transform personal happiness and foster more collaborative, resilient workplaces.

Original Description

Do you ever find yourself on a crowded train, surrounded by people all looking at their phones? What do you think would happen if you tried to strike up a conversation with the person next to you? Chicago Booth’s Nick Epley tells us about his book, "A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection." This is the first of two podcast episodes about the book. Epley says if we chose to have that conversation, it’d be more pleasant than we expect. So why do we set up our lives to avoid talking to others?