Dad Feels Alone at Parent‑teacher Conferences
Why am I the only dad here for parent-teacher conferences? Am I the only dad who can take time off work? The only dad to view this as a parenting duty, not a mommy duty? The only dad who often marks the wrong date on his calendar? The conferences are tomorrow, aren't they? Dammit
Kids Embrace Simplicity, Ignoring Calendar Details
daughter: what’s the date today? me: the 16th daughter: of what month? Little kids are just out there living their best lives.
Unexpected Power: A Pillow Fight Reveals Hidden Strength
Last night my son asked if I'd ever heard of a pillow fight. I said I had not, so he explained the premise & asked if I would play. I awkwardly held a pillow as he gave me pointers through...
Terrifying Realities Toddlers Will Soon Discover
Simple facts I'm terrified of my toddler discovering: - public parks don't randomly close - tv's don't run out of batteries - there is no actual world record for "fastest at putting away toys" - chicken the animal and chicken the food are one...
Paying Kids for A's Highlights Low Academic Expectations
I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card. It sends the message that education is a priority in our household and it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.
Kids' Endless “What If” Tests Adult Patience
5 year old: can you breathe on the moon? me: no, there's no oxygen 5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank? me: then yes 5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty? me: then no 5 year old: what if you...
From 29¢ Burgers to 32¢: Inflation Hits Home
I was explaining to my kids about inflation (no one enjoyed the conversation, not even me) and I told them that I used to buy hamburgers from this one place near my high school for 29 cents. “32 cents after...
Kids Mimic Profanity After One Exposure, Not Politeness
You can say "please" and "thank you" a million times and your toddler will never repeat it, but if you say "ass-faced mother fucker" ONCE...
Sudden Betrayal Thrust Me Into Single Fatherhood
When I woke up today I never imagined that I’d soon be a single dad, that I’d be raising 2 young kids all alone, but that was before my wife made plans to go walk with a friend, before she...