Procrastination Isn’t Laziness. It Is S Shame. Here Is How to Break the Loop
In this episode, trauma therapist Carolyn Cowan explains that procrastination is not simply laziness but a manifestation of deep‑seated shame. She links procrastination to a three‑part model of shame, emphasizing how feeling unworthy fuels avoidance and the "fuck it" response. Cowan illustrates how this cycle traps people in negative coping behaviors and offers a practical approach: deliberately tackling small tasks (like sorting emails or tidying a desk) to rebuild a sense of deserving and break the shame loop.
The Real Hell You Live In: How Much You Hate How You Feel
In this episode, trauma therapist Carolyn Cowan explores her core concept that "hell is your resistance," explaining how shame fuels a self‑perpetuating cycle of hating one's own feelings and thus sustaining trauma and related disorders. She outlines her three‑part model—trauma...
Acting In vs Acting Out: The Hidden Mechanics of Shame
In this episode, host Carolyn Cowan explores the concept of shame through the lenses of "acting in"—internalized self‑criticism, anxiety, and bodily self‑attack—and "acting out," which manifests as external behaviors like shouting, substance use, or compulsive buying. She explains how the...
How Much You Hate How You Feel
In this episode, psychotherapist Carolyn Cowan explores how unprocessed trauma and shame fuel a cycle of self‑destructive behaviors she calls "acting out" (e.g., substance use) and "acting in" (e.g., eating disorders). She introduces a three‑column exercise: (1) list the traumatic...
Expanding Your Window of Tolerance | How to Stop Hitting the “F* It” Button
In this episode, trauma therapist Carolyn Cowan explains the concept of the "window of tolerance"—the range of emotional arousal we can comfortably endure—and how it is shaped by past trauma, shame, and self‑belief. She describes how exceeding this window leads...