Parenting Videos

Q&A with Dr. Zelana Montminy | Conversations with Common Sense Media

The video features a conversation between Eda Collins Coleman of Common Sense Media and psychologist Dr. Zelana Montminy, centered on reclaiming attention in an age of constant digital distraction. The discussion frames focus not as a productivity skill but as a physiological state tied to the nervous system’s sense of safety, emphasizing that parents serve as the primary regulators for their children. Key insights include the idea that focus collapses when the nervous system is overstimulated, anxious, or grieving, and that true regulation comes from co‑regulation—adults modeling calm and emotional presence. Dr. Montminy advocates for micro‑restorative breaks, such as looking away from screens for ten seconds or stepping outside for a breath, arguing these are more effective than multitasking “breaks” that merely feed dopamine. She also stresses that children learn emotional regulation by being with a regulated adult, not through direct instruction. Notable moments feature Dr. Montminy’s description of focus as “a state of functioning when your nervous system feels safe,” and her critique of common “self‑care” habits like scrolling cat videos, which numb rather than restore. Practical examples include asking children open‑ended questions about their day, using car‑time conversations, and modeling short, intentional pauses to demonstrate restorative practices. The implications are clear: families must shift from managing behavior to nurturing nervous‑system safety, integrating consistent, small habits rather than occasional digital detoxes. By modeling regulation and creating emotionally safe environments, parents can foster deeper focus and resilience in children, ultimately counteracting the broader societal epidemic of distraction.